The Greyhawk Chronicles - Session 1

***A huge thanks to Simon and Brent for their notes***

With the Beneath Two Suns adventure complete, the question of "what now" remained.

The 'Suns' DM expressed a desire to play a character, and with the addition of the newbie 'Limon' (remember him from a couple of entries ago?)...it seemed new characters and a new campaign were in order.  And thus, your trusty scribe humbly submits "Expedition to Greyhawk and Beyond".  With myself as DM, the new party consists of the following:

Olly the halfling rogleric (rogue/cleric)

Atlas the human paladin

Duck the human bard

Fenriz the half-elf bard

Lotus the elf monk

Feykro the gnome druid (and his wolf Faanar)

Things begin in the rowdy, boisterous section of the city of Greyhawk, known informally as the River Quarter.  Channel Billy Joel for a moment and sing:

"It's nine o'clock on a Saturday, the regular crowd shuffles in..."

A brightly-dressed young woman stands on the raised stage.  A cheerful floppy hat is pushed back on her brown hair, and she holds a harp in her hands.  After given a brief introduction by the emcee/DM, the young bard is suddenly overcome by an attack of stage fright and asks the crowd (and OOG watchers) for forgiveness.  The patrons of the Drunken Dog Inn are a forgiving bunch, and after a rousing performance (and a decent Perform: Stringed roll), Duck the Bard is applauded soundly.  She also discerns a bawdy wolf whistle from the audience as well.  Giving a small curtsy, she makes her way to her seat.

About three seconds after that, an enamored "fan" approaches her.  A hulking, blond drunken sailor approaches Duck with articulate compliments like 'You sing nice' and 'I like you' (all the while staring at her chest).  Duck reluctantly allows DS to buy her a drink, and uses the ruse to escape to a darker part of the Inn.  Within moments, she is approached by two solemn-looking, brown-robed clerics, who claim to be representatives of the River Quarter Mission (clerics of St. Cuthbert).  They indicate that part of Duck's song spoke to them, particularly about her needing employment.  Duck is then advised to come to the Mission tomorrow morn to speak to a Father Gary, who will provide more information about a runaway girl.  It seems Duck may have a particular set of skills to retrieve this wayward child and return her to her nobleman father.  As the clerics leave, Drunken Sailor returns to engage in an intimate moment with the pretty, young bard.  Quick-thinking Duck asks the inebriated riverman to ask the bartender to sniff him.  DS appears confused, but Duck explains that his manly musk is so alluring, she wishes to duplicate it at the nearest apothecary...and the bartender will be able to pinpoint the particular elements of the sailor's odor.  DS stupidly assents, stumbles back to the bar, and Duck flees into the dark Greyhawk night.

The next morning:  

1.     The DM asks the other five members to roll dice, to determine character connections.  Results:

2.     Fenriz the bard and Atlas the paladin know each other: Atlas rescued Fenriz from some demons.

3.     Olly and Feykro know Duck (and are in fact, fans).  Duck is not familiar with them (but oh boy, is she about to be...).

4.     Lotus is the lone wolf.  She knows nobody and nobody knows her (but oh boy, are they about to...).

After a d20 dice roll for determining order, the five characters wake up, and realize three things:

1. They are shut in a 10x10 wooden mobile containment unit.

2. They are experiencing various physical afflictions (sore hands, stiff neck, etc.)

3. They are without their gear and weaponry.

4. They are in the tank with several other persons (as revealed when some of the party let their hands roam about).

One little porthole of light provides weak illumination for everyone but the human paladin.  A soft voice then informs the group that he "will pray for them", to which there is no response.  Lotus the monk is able to stand and proceeds to kick at the nearest solid wall; however, a Critical Fumble lands 8 points of monk-foot damage upon the brow of the paladin.

Atlas: What did I do to deserve that?

Lotus: Just get out of the way. (Atlas heeds her advice)

Fenriz the bard is moving towards the small square of light (prompting a round of "Don't go towards the light!" exclamations).  Olly the overly-helpful cleric happens to have the skill to pick the wagon door lock, and he opens the door a smidge.  In an unprecedented turn of events, Lotus attempts another kick and Critically Fumbles yet again.  This time she sweeps the feet of the bard out from underneath him, and Fenriz takes several points of head-against-hard-wooden-floor damage.  The bard is able to blink and sees a monk standing nearby, positioned as if she'd just physically exerted herself in some way.  Fenriz puts two and two together.  The following exchange then occurs:

Fenriz: Just what the heck is your deal?
Lotus: Just get out of the way!
Fenriz: I think you need to figure out what you're doing before you say that to me.
Lotus: Fair point.
Atlas: Did someone else get kicked?
Fenriz: ...the karate expert that doesn't know what the hell she's doing...

At that point, the party is fully aware of the wagon they're in has now lurched to a stop.  Gruff orcish voices are heard, and Olly can clearly make out that the wagon has happened upon a raid in progress, that the orc drivers know the orc pillagers, and that the orc drivers are planning to get in on the action.  After passing on this knowledge to the others, Olly risks opening the door wider, to which the paladin asks, "Should we jump out, then?"  The cleric responds (ohsobravely) with "Be my guest."  Another Listen check for the cleric offers up the special knowledge that the prisoners' gear is "somewhere up front" (wherever that might be).

Which is awfully good timing, considering the following conversation that has just gone down...

Atlas: Oh, hey..

Fenriz: How'd we get here?

Atlas: ...nothing, no.  Do you know where our gear is?

Fenriz: No idea.

Party members begin exiting the police wagon, and Atlas is especially impressed by Lotus, who moves past him extremely quickly and quietly on a great Move Silently check.  Olly the Cleric opts to army crawl it under the wagon, only to pop up near the front wheels with a "it's all clear down there".  Some of the other characters express a concern for Olly's safety, as it's likely he could be kicked in the head, or worse, crapped on.

Then, Fenriz the bard proceeds to spoil the monk's stealth by calling out, "Hey, is my stuff up there?"  And in a classic twist of irony, he then happens to witness Lotus execute a lithe, cat-like jump up onto the front of the wagon, compelling him to mutter, "oh sure, she can't kick, but she sure can jump." 

Atlas's natural 20 on a Search allows to easily see that the seat at the front of the wagon is actually a hinged lid, and alas! inside is a jumble of bags and gear.  Lotus tosses Atlas's longsword (in the scabbard) to him, retrieves her own stuff, and leaps down from the wagon before anyone else asks her to do things for them.  Feykro the gnome looks to get his stuff, but he finds climbing the wagon sides quite a challenge.  After exclaiming that he looks "so sad", Lotus boosts the druid the rest of the way up.

Meanwhile, an interesting exchange (and possibly budding bromance) is occurring on the other side of the wagon:

Fenriz: Atlas, can you drive a wagon?

Atlas: Probably...

Fenriz: So we can get out of here fast?  Let's get out of here. We don't know what we're dealing with here. Let's take off together.

Atlas: Seems reasonable.

But first, Atlas takes the chance to grab the rest of his stuff.  Holding up a "hodge podge of little people stuff", he inquires about its owners, to which the cleric pipes up with "Oh, that's me!  Bless you, sir!"  Fenriz also expresses his joyfulness at getting his guitar back.

Within seconds of everyone receiving their gear back, the DM asks everyone except Lotus the monk to make a Will Save.  A half-orc sorcerer astride a wyvern is parked atop a bridge some hundred feet away, and he has just cast Glitterdust on the party.  Lotus, Olly, and Atlas escape the Blinding caused by the spell.  And simultaneously, several orcs who've been terrorizing the small village inhabitants are aware of the party, especially Atlas and Olly, who've rushed headlong into the evil fray.  Lotus is aware of the enemies as well; she moves to engage two orcs and deliver unto them a power-packed foot to the face.

Feykro opts to hide in the bench compartment until his blindness passes, and Fenriz gropes his way around to the wagon's back, where he hopes to recover his vision and his senses.  And OH YEAH!  Feykro's wolf, whom we'd all promptly forgotten about, is commanded to sit on top of the bench.

Atlas scores a Critical and hews his orc.  Meanwhile, Olly has crept into a nearby hovel, where villagers (gender unknown currently) are being menaced by two more orcs.  It appears the cleric is some kind of rogue as he scores major damage on a Sneak Attack.  Feykro continues his sequestering, and Fenriz is slowly regaining his vision, and prepares his crossbow as well as a half-blind man can.  Lotus kills an orc, prompting the sorcerer to lob a Fireball at the party.  Atlas takes 14 points of flame damage, while the monk manages to dodge the entire thing.

More orc killing ensues, but not without some repercussions.  The sorcerer has also managed to zap both the monk and the paladin with Magic Missiles and Fireballs.  The monk is taking as many hits as she's giving, and at seven hit points, she retreats to a safe distance to recover.  In what can be construed as a well-timed tag team maneuver, Fenriz the bard stumbles into the fracas, just in time to take over orc-slaying from the monk.   In other action, the Dire Wolf is suddenly activated and begins biting the crap out of people.  Between the animal and the others, the remaining orcs are slain.  And with their arrows, Atlas and Lotus manage to drive off the sorcerer, who flees the scene to the northeast.

With all immediate threats eliminated, the party has a chance to catch their breath.

Fenriz: Is everyone alright?

Lotus: Nooooo.

Atlas (to Villagers in the hovel): Are you okay?

Villagers (shakily): ...yes.

The DM reveals that physically they are fine but may have suffered mental health damage and Atlas is asked if he wants to do anything about that.

Atlas: I'm a paladin, not a therapist.

Atlas loots the bodies in front of the already traumatized visitors, and when questioned about this, he responds, "that the fight against evil needs funding" and "we're not exactly the March of Dimes here". 

To assuage the fear the villagers might now feel at a paladin who's just looted throwing axes from two corpses, Atlas offers parting words of comfort:

"I am very, very sorry.  Please try to get over it." He then thinks and adds, "I will pray for you."

While this heartwarming exchange is going down - another, more heated one is occurring elsewhere.

Lotus: Anyone have a heal spell or potion? Anybody?

Feykro: Why should I heal you? I don't know you.

Lotus: So I don't punch you?

Feykro: I got a Dire Wolf...

Lotus: Yeah, you didn't do shit until I was dead.

Feykro, finally and begrudingly: Well, you HELPED, so...okay, I guess I'll heal you.

An indignant Lotus asks loudly "Anyone ELSE have a heal?"  Atlas calls out helpfully from inside the shack, "I CAN HEAL YOU!"  Unfortunately, Lotus doesn't quite understand from whence the voice is coming, and cannot respond.  Eventually, though, Feykro bestows 24 points of health upon Lotus.

General clean-up and battle aftermath continues, with these particular highlights:

1.     Lotus's appreciation towards her battlemates, Fenriz and Atlas...the particularly ironic thing, these are the same two she kicked earlier in the episode.

2.     Atlas spots not-quite-dead-body movement from a toppled wagon on the bridge, and urgently calls for the cleric's healing.

3.     Olly the Reluctant Cleric is quite set on remaining in the house with the traumatized villagers (one of them being discerned as 'male').  When he finally emerges, he looks different...a change of clothing?  Different facial features?  It's difficult to pinpoint.

4.     Feykro and wolf leave, on the road for Greyhawk.

5.     The gravely injured man is named Ricard, and he is poisoned from the sting of the wyvern.

6.     Ricard owns The Drunken Dog Inn in Greyhawk, and promises free lodgings for a month as a thank you for his rescue.  He also seems very distressed about his beloved sword, lost in a fight with the sorcerer.

7.     The group decides to use the prison wagon to take Ricard into the city.

8.     There is some surprise in the back of the wagon, as the cleric discovers the bard can sing ("Little People, Big Music").

9.     Feykro and wolf are overtaken on the road, asked for a ride, and are determined to continue on foot.

The next session will begin with the party entering Greyhawk, and what hijinks await this party remain to be seen!

Nine Months Later...Part Two...The End

Crom Critically Fumbles again (and then again, actually), followed by Gary's second Critical Fumble on the day.  Arnie, in desperation, makes his way to the feet of the beast and lays hands on him, casting Inflict Critical Wounds.  The entire party wonders what that feels like.  Ewwww...

There is more demon-slap damage, answered by a sweet fireball from Eva.  Gary the Ranger fumbles again and plugs an arrow into Arnie the Cleric.  Again.  At this point, several of the players notice the darkness is dissipating.  More punching, axeing, and chopping ensues.  Vanya's Heal check discloses that Hrunchuk is dead.  But...

the arrows are still flying.  WTF?  Gary, Eva, and Arnie continue attacking the archer off in the distance.  Everyone is in for the shock of their lives as the archer finally falls, and it is revealed the assassin is none other than...

POPORI!  Gary's Ranger friend!  Turncoat!  Traitor!

As Gary was the one who fired the fatal shot, he is quite overcome with disbelief.  Eva's attempt at solace goes like this: "So, who's the better ranger now?"

Gary Searches the body (of course) and finds a note on Popori's corpse.  Essentially, he and Nadima were in love and planning to run away together (after he'd killed her rescuers/protectors first, of course).  An interrogation of Nadima is pointless as she is stricken with grief at the loss of her soulmate.  Discussion then transpires about what to do.  Leave Nadima here?  Take her back to her father?  Take her to Campbell?

Eva comes in with the quote of the day: "We need to kill this bitch and get the hell out of Dodge!"  However, nobody else has quite the same level of enthusiasm, so no action is taken.  Until the group hears shouts - someone is calling their names.  Someone wearing the attire of the House of Campbell.  The messenger asks the company to bring Nadima to the General Assembly.  There is a general sense of incredulousness as the party wants to know: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

In what Tordek describes as "continuing down the rabbit hole", the party finally opts to escort Nadima back to town - if only to see where this all ends up.  As the group crosses a large bridge, a group of green-tuniced soldiers make their way towards them.  The green tunics are of the House of Estercari, and the party suspects they will try to make off with the princess.  But, nothing could be farther from the truth.  One of the archers steps out of the group and fires an arrow at...

PRINCESS NADIMA?!  WHAT?  Her own father is trying to have her killed! It is Eva's dream come true!

But, before they can kill the princess, a troop of blue-tuniced guards arrive to take on the greenies.  The party, refusing to engage in the battle themselves, enjoys a little leisure time here as they watch the two groups kill each other.  

Within a few moments, the battle is over, and the Campbell messenger and the party make their way to the General Assemblage.  Four hundred and eighty of the city's most important personages...and it takes every ounce of self-restraint on Eva's part not to launch a Fireball into the throng.  Essentially, here's how the meeting shakes out:

1. Campbell addresses the Assembly.  Presents the Princess to the men.

2. The Codifex seems quite put out his supposed-to-be-dead daughter is alive.

3. Princess tells of her father's betrayal.

4. Assembly decides to execute current Codifex.

5. Assembly executes current Codifex.

6. Campbell crowned new Codifex.

7. Party is offered the job of: Chief City Wardens. 

8. They accept.  For the most part.

And with that, the adventure of Beneath Two Suns has now come to an end.  But...for motives unknown to only Gary the Ranger, the following conversation with Princess Nadima unfolds:

G: Hi.

PN: No response.

G: Sorry about your father.  (Who was executed JUST NOW!)

PN: I'm not!  That rabble!  That rast!

Gary pulls out his Ring of Swimming and offers it to the Princess.

G:  Will you marry me?

(DM has him roll a Charisma check.  Gary Critically Fumbles.)

PN: How dare you?  (She slaps him soundly)

G: Well, how about a coffee sometime?

(Another Charisma check.  Another Critical Fumble.)

PN: Ahhhhhhhhhhh!  (She flees, utterly repulsed)

Meanwhile, Tordek has gone off in search of Wanek, of the House of Eward, who happens to own the group money for a job done earlier in the week.

T: We've killed a lot of people today.  So pay up.

Wanek: Okay.

Because of the new job descriptions, Tordek is now finally able to purchase and wear metal armor.  And Vanya puts a sweet new monk's belt on layaway at the local monk belt store.

And with that - REALLY - the adventure ends:

Nine Months Later...Part One

Oh manmanmanmanman!  Can it finally be?  The finale of the Beneath Two Suns adventure? 

YES!

As your trusty scribe, I am finally able to report: this blog entry is the culmination of a nine-month long adventure.  Prepare yourselves.

Lest you've forgotten, this party contains: a dwarf fighter, a sorceress, ranger, monk, barbarian, and cleric (all human).

The task at hand involves escorting Princess Nadima to the Forbidden Gardens and the Temple of Hrunchuk.  After crossing the canal (of red, scummy water), the group takes a brief break before making a vital decision:

Two paths diverge into a wood...which one will make all the difference?

Not that any of this group will have heard of Robert Frost, but the message is crucial, nonetheless.  The path to the party's south is the closest, and thus, seems as good as any.  The players trek a windywindywindy trail into the forest.  Oddly, the rangers choose not to roll any kind of Track/Survival/Knowledge Nature, inducing Eva to observe, "I guess Rangers have to care."  The sorceress sends her hawk (Lady Hawke) ahead to scout the way, and soon, the party is rewarded with news of "horse-like creatures" up ahead.  Inquiring minds want to know: Do we proceed?  Are they armed?  Are they vicious?  They have horns?  How many?  Are they unicorns?

In a move that would make bra-burners everywhere proud, the women of the party go on a recon mission.  Eva casts Invisibility on herself and Vanya the monk, who then Critically Fumbles a Listen check...temporarily going deaf.

While this is occurring, it is noted that Gary's fervent desire to have a weird pet familiar does not extend to the cool-ass buffalo the party is about to encounter.  Also, Tordek is experiencing alignment difficulties as he contemplates what to do with the Princess in the event of a stampede.  He finally decides he will throw her into the oncoming herd, but pull her back just in time to prevent her death, thus satisfying his bipolar nature.

The company plans to creep, ever so quietly, around the herd of creatures (who are quietly grazing)...and it seems to be going well, until Popori Critically Fumbles a Move Silently check.  His subsequent crashing about cause panic in the horned animals, who begin charging at once.  There is much swinging and punching and shooting and flaming.  A buffalo descends upon Nadima, and it seems for one glorious moment that she may be gored to death.  But, alas, she is not...and there is much disappointment.  Crom, however, in his flamboyant metrosexual way, performs a dazzling "El Matador" move on one of the moving creatures.

Soon, though, the smell of singed buffalo fur hangs acridly in the air.   

The company continues on until they come to a T-intersection, and a huge statue of a scary-looking demon type thing.  Somebody whose identity escapes the scribe at present remembers that the Princess was to be taken to the room under the statue of Hrunchuk in the Forbidden Gardens.   However, nobody has taken ranks in Knowledge: Hrunchuk, and consequently, it's unclear if this is the correct statue.  The group also perceives a group of men sparring off in the distance...who then perceive them...and who then advance towards the pondering party. 

Vanya, on a low Spot check, notices the rushing horde appear to be wearing the same type of clothing as her.  Arnie notes that this "seems like a holy place."  And Eva notes that it "seems like a monk-y" place.  General battle preparation go as follows:

Eva casts mage Armor.

Crom begins to instantly Rage.

Arnie attempts to use his new wand of Magic Missile.  However, a low Use Magical Device roll causes one charge to fizzle right at his feet.

The monk force rushes headlong into melee combat with the party.  They wield halberds, and OOG, a wife triumphantly corrects her husband on his weaponry knowledge.

A larger monk appears near the back of the group of fighting monks, and as he is indicated by a yellow dice, Arnie the Cleric is prompted to ask, "Lemon?"

Between Crom's sword, Tordek's axe, Eva's Magic Missiles, and Gary's arrows, the monk armada dwindles to one: Lemon.  Tordek, engaged in melee combat with him, takes an amazing 30 points of punch damage to the face.  And from there...things kind of fall apart...

Vanya Critically Fumbles (her second one) on an attack, and falls to the ground, but not before stumbling into Tordek next to her.  Crom then Critically Fumbles and slices Vanya while she's down.  Eva suggests Lemon would do well to stand back and let these three finish each other off themselves before she seals Lemon's fate with a well-placed Magic Missile. 

Giddy about her restraint in not killing the Princess, Eva excitedly runs to tell Arnie about it.  However, the cleric, fresh from a three-way with two monk fighters, is lying on the ground in pain.  He can only respond to Eva's exuberance with a weak thumbs-up.

After the battle, the group continues to answer the riddle surrounding the statue and its hidden room.  A plaque instructs all statue viewers to "Bow to Hrunchuk".  The group then forces Nadima to incline to the statue...she cries, but does so.  As expected, nothing happens.  But it was well worth a try.

Eva soon discovers a latch that releases a trapdoor.  The party sees a ladder that into a room below.  Gary descends, and is able to act as a cushion for the falling Princess Nadima, who has been pushed into the hole by You-Know-Who.  After that, though, Gary and the others who've descended into the room are agoggedly distracted at the numerous shelves containing all kinds of fancy, expensive swag.  Crom is drawn to a shelf that holds crowns and tiaras, and Eva soon joins him in picking out the most prettiest, complimentariest one there.  Because there's time, several of the party members do a Take 20 on Search check, which turn up two secret rooms.

Room #1: A pantry of sorts.  Gary the Ranger bursts in, and begins eating grain from a burlap sack.  A failed Fortitude roll on his part reveals the grain was rancid.  So, why did Gary eat the spoiled food?  Because, as everyone now knows, that's what Gary does.

Room #2: A lovely, gardenesque room with a tinkling fountain. 

Frustration is mounting for a few members of the party because per Campbell's orders, Nadima is in the place she is supposed to be.  AND NOTHING IS HAPPENING.  Many minutes are spent Searching, pondering, and venting...in the meantime, darkness has fallen (a fact that is often mentioned by the DM - it must be important). 

Eva casts Invisibility on Vanya, who volunteers to take the first watch near the statue of Hrunchuk up above.  It is not long before Vanya notices that she is surrounded by an "unnatural darkness"...and so she summons Tordek, the dwarf who has darkvision.  He too is awed by his inability to perceive anything not right in front of his own face, causing him to announce, "It's really dark."  Vanya descends into the chamber to retrieve Eva, who might have a handy little light spell.  The minute the monk is out of sight, the dwarf is attacked by crazy laser-beams that appear to be coming from somewhere above him.  He takes damage before calling for help.  And that help is greatly needed, because...

IT'S HRUNCHUK!  THE DEMON!  HE'S ALIVE! 

The DM instructs Tordek, Vanya, and Crom to roll Will saves, and while the monk and barbarian succeed, the fighter and ranger spend one turn cowering in fear.  The other players slowly emerge from the secret chamber below to help slay the beast.  Crom takes two points of slap damage from the demon, prompting him to shout, "Oh, no, you didn't!"  Cowering in fear obviously weakened Tordek, who Critically Fumbled his next attack, and sliced Vanya in the back for 17 points.

As if that weren't bad enough, arrows come zinging out of the darkness, piercing the players.  The darkness is still hanging, making battle extremely difficult for the party.

Stay tuned for Part Two. 

Beneath Two Suns - Episode 5

Hey!  Two sessions in a short amount of time!  Is it possible we might finish this quest before the year ends?  As you all remember, the adventurers consist of thus: a dwarf fighter, a sorceress, ranger, monk, barbarian, and cleric (all human).

And, something new this session - An Observer (CG male watcher 8).  We'll call him Limon (that's a long i sound, folks).  While he's mostly here to "observe", he can get a bit lippy at times.

********
The party, now rested up, is itching to spend the recently-earned coinage, and head off in the direction of the nearest medieval mall.  Amid the requests for enchanted armor and weapons, Crom the barbarian shakes it up with a strange request: a +1 feather boa.

After speaking with the Head of the House of Campbell, the adventurers grudgingly agree to escort Nadima to the Hrunchuk Gardens.  A brief discussion commences on arrangement...and really only one thing is terribly obvious: Eva should walk NOT anywhere near the Princess.  The party has been walking on for quite some time when a formation of green-tuniced guards come striding out into the street.  As if that weren't suspicious enough, Nadima cries out: "Rescue me!  I'm saved!", which prompts the oncoming soldiers to charge.  The females in the company are rather exasperated.

Vanya: Is there something we can put in her mouth??
Eva: I can put this fireball in her mouth!

At this point, Limon wants to know what the guards cry in response to Nadima's distress signal.  The DM ponders and then yelps out a, "Hyah!  Nadima, hyah!"

The fight is on.  Arnie and Popori hit with a ranged attack.  Crom decides this would be a good time to rage and calls out "Charge!" in his best metrosexual voice (Look out, boys!).  Tordek, in an amazing volte-face, scores 49 points of axe damage before immediately rolling a 1 (cue deja vu-type music).  Gary the Ranger executes a "perfect failure" (a Critical Fumble immediately followed by a natural 20 follow up roll).  Popori commits a little B & E in a nearby house in an effort to get a good vantage point for his arrow skills.

Everyone else acts as a well-oiled machine: killing, hurting, fireballing, and ice storming the green-garbed guards.  However, the princess has been left unattended, and in the chaos, bolts off to her freedom(hands tied behind her back).  In the midst of all this, black arrows are raining down upon the enemy soldiers, encouraging shouts of glee from the company.  But, it turns out the black arrow shooters are indiscriminate as they also fire upon the party, who not only take arrow damage, but poison damage as well.  One such deft archer is able to hit Vanya as she lies on top of one soldier (thanks to a Critical Fumble during a melee moment).

OOG: Heather comments that she is in somewhat of a Monk Sandwich (without the top piece of "bread").  Limon suggests that it might instead be an "Open-Face Monk Sandwich").

Gary the Ranger, in some kind of battle rage, continues to discharge arrows into a soldier corpse, impelling Arnie to ask:  Why is Gary shooting a dead body?

And, as Eva responds (and everyone knows as common knowledge): That's what Gary does.

Another thing Gary does is Critically Fumble his third arrow shot...so, after shooting a dead body, he manages to misfire an arrow right into Arnie's backside.  That'll teach Arnie to ask silly questions.

By this time, Princess Nadima has escaped around the corner, being ardently pursued by Arnie the Cleric, which raises eyebrows in more than one quarter.  A brief discussion ensues about what happens when a character rolls a natural 20, followed by the lowest damage roll possible, and we all finally agree on this equation.

Natural 20 + Lowest Dmg Roll = Worst Indian Burn Ever

Popori, finally in place atop the house (a la Lee Harvey Oswald), picks off the monk underneath Vanya, who then delivers 35 points of pummel-to-the-face damage.  He's a lot dead.

Thirty-two dead soldiers (and some black-arrowed archers) later...

The previously deafanddumb Arnie has a "On the Road to Damascus" moment, and sees a black archer snatch Nadima and whisk her away.  He hotly chases both of them, blindly, into a random building.  In what lay folk would call "not a shocker", more Black-Arrow Archers await.  The rest of the party, though, has Arnie's back...axe-ready Tordek enters the building, Eva Scorching Rays one, and Popori picks off another (he's rejoined the fray at this point).  As Crom vows to "attack the a-hole who shot me", he Critically Fumbles, trips, and falls onto his arrows, taking further damage.

The party eventually ends up in the alleyway, where the Rangers are asked to roll Swift Tracker checks.  Due to both rolling terribly low, they are only able to inform us that the princess is "down the alley".  Gary the Ranger rolls again and this time is able to detect a strange oily spot pooling in one doorway....and Gary, being the crazy crazy that Gary is, takes off at a full sprint and rushes headlong in through that doorway...only to take some arrow damage.  The party, still out in the alley, sees Gary run in, and fly back out seconds later, pierced with arrows.

Vanya then runs in after Gary, leaps to the bad guy holding Nadima hostage, and kills him.  She then Stunning Fists Nadima (to shut her the hell up).  Gary, for some crazy reason, is offended by this, and events unfold as thus:

G: You Stunning Fisted the Princess!!!
(Gary slaps Vanya in the back, Vanya pivots reflexively)
V:  ...
(Vanya slaps Gary in the mouth for 17 points)

Crom steps in to break up the fisticuffs, Eva gags Nadima with one of her many scarves, and Tordek slings the princess over his shoulder (but not before repeating continuously to her, "Because you yelled, 32 people died today!"  To no discernible effect, however.)  And it's off to the Gardens to finally put this harpy somewhere where a.) she won't cause 32 more people to be killed, b.) nobody else can kidnap her sorry ass, and c.) where we (and by we, that means Eva) won't be tempted to Fireball her.

But first...the party comes to a canal, filled to the brim with red, scummy water.  Across the way, trees and shrubbery denote the Gardens of Hrunchuk.  Tordek is quick to notice there is no way to cross the canal.  Several agonizing minutes pass the group determines their next move.  The company appears to be an impasse...because there's nothing as terrifying as red, scummy water (and no sewer treatment plant in sight). 

Crom: sticks his hand in the red water, nothing happens.
Rangers: learn nothing on Knowledge: Nature checks.
Eva: learns nothing on Detect Poison and Detect Magic spells.
Vanya: pokes her quarterstaff in for a depth check, there is no bottom that she can tell.

Gary (being Gary) decides to jump in and swim it.  However, a red log/croc/lizard creature comes at him.  Popori cracks off a shot at it, as does Arnie the Cleric.  The lizard then bites Gary before Eva sends a Scorching Ray right up its nose.  At this point, Gary's insanity becomes totally obvious as he casts Speak to Animals and Charm Animal on the lizard...all in the hopes of "getting him for his pet".  To no avail, Eva reminds him, "Hey, you know it's on fire, right?"

Several seconds pass as Gary tries to reason with the lizard.  The party cannot tell what Gary is saying per se, but they do not miss the note of manic desperation creeping into the ranger's voice.   Essentially, the lizard is quite peeved at being injured and has no intention of becoming Gary's pet.  Shocker.

Meanwhile, Arnie devises a plan to cast Airwalk on himself and carry the members of the party across the distance.

Vanya volunteers to go first.
Gary pleads with Lizard.
The Princess is next.
Gary begs.
Tordek makes it safely across.
Gary attempts dire negotiations.
Arnie schleps Eva and Popori across without a problem.
Gary beseeches.
Then, tragedy strikes.  Arnie slips and drops Crom in the canal water.  The barbarian gets bit.  Popori begins firing.  The lizard stops moving.

Gary (to lizard): Are you dead?
Lizard: No response.

Gary is then fished out with a rope.  The party has managed to reach the outskirts of the Gardens safely (a relative term).  There is some healing and the group decides to camp/rest here...thus ending another session of...Beneath Two Suns.

Beneath Two Suns - Episode 4

Well, you know, life happens.  This particular party of adventurers has not met since this summer, and so to remind you, we have: a dwarf fighter, a sorceress, ranger, monk, barbarian, and cleric (all human).

But...before the excitement of the continuing campaign can begin, Captain and the DM take several precious seconds being fascinated by a bag of the DM's blank white block/dice.

Then, the party has arisen one morning shortly after daybreak.  There has been an addition.  Standing at the edge of the party's campsite is a short ranger-looking type.  Gary the ranger recognizes him as an acquaintance, and a mini-reunion ensues while the rest of the company remains suspicious.  The new player introduces himself as 'Popori' and says he is of the House of Campbell, sent to help the party.  The skepticism over his authenticity continues until he admits that his bosses are kind of jerks.  Doubt is further removed as he shows us his slave brand.

However, Vanya the monk is impelled to ask: "Why are you here to help?"

Popori: "I'm the best."

Vanya: "We already have a ranger."

Popori: "I'm better."

At that pronouncement, Popori is in.  Gary appears to be a little put out, and challenges his ranger friend to a jumping contest.  Surprisingly, Gary wins the best two out of three.   

Meanwhile, the group discusses the day's plan.  It is suspected that Princess Nadima is being kept within the castle grounds, in the centrally located building.  As the group is hushedly throwing ideas back and forth, a few castle guards patrol by, and one of them utters "10% to Mattix".  The group assumes that is a password of sorts, and Eva is prompted to suggest some kind of diversion that will pull some guards into the forest, where an ambush awaits.  Then, Crom the barbarian and Gary will don the guards' clothing, and lead us as "prisoners" into the complex, where we may then begin our assault upon the castle.

Eva, with the higher Charisma, will play the part of the damsel in distress and Crom is shanghaied into being the "attacker".  In an effort to be more believable as the assailant, Crom removes his pink loincloth, but feels a bit bereft without it.  The diversion plan goes off without a hitch, with kills recorded by Popori and Tordek the fighter.  An even longer discussion then ensues about how to exactly storm the castle.  Eventually, the plan takes shape like this:

Eva, Popori tailing along, will cast Invisibility and sneak around the north side of the castle.  A well-timed Fireball at the far tower/parapet will hopefully draw much of the guards down to that end, allowing the rest of the party to enter unhindered through the main entrance.

Eva & Popori: go invisible and being the trek around.  However, they see two other patrolling guards and stop to wait for them to pass by.

Rest of party: Timing is now a problem, as the main group doesn't know E & P have stopped.  Upon continuing, Gary, Vanya, Arnie, Crom, and Tordek are stopped by two guards just inside the entrance.  Gary yells, "10% to Mattix".  The guards make no acknowledgement, so Gary says it again.  This time, the guards draw swords.  They want to know the password, and the several seconds of awkward silence that follows is enough to tip them off that something is amiss.  Hence, a battle begins.

1. Tordek experiences an eerie sense of deja vu as he critically fumbles his very first roll and falls down in front of a guard. 

2. Eventually, though, the group dispatches the guards nicely, and kills are shared all around.

Crom and Gary do some quick corpse placement (Crom strikes his best casual "there's nothing to see here" pose), and Tordek peeks around the corner, looking for more guards.  He sees none, but he does catch the big "WHOOOMF" sound of a tower being fireballed.  Simultaneously, two other guards on patrol round the corner.  Imagine the very suspicious scene they've just stumbled onto: two propped-up dead bodies, two hyper-casual guards, a couple of extra random people, and a little dwarf looking around the corner of the inside of the building.  Before anyone can say Tasha's Hideous Laughter, the guard kill-count today is increased by two. 

The main portion of the party marches on to the central building, to be joined by the invisible Eva and Popori.  Taking advantage of the invisibility, Eva enters the building, does a quick scout, and exits.  In a large room, she says, is a pit, a cage containing the Princess suspended above it, and guards among a throne/chair.  Crom sets the events in motion by rushing into the building (The Tower is on fire! Help!) to draw as many guards out as possible.  It is soon obvious that the guards are not interested in helping their fellow man, as only one man exits.  But, Eva fireballs him anyway and any other residuals who might be just inside the entrance.

After dispatching the lone (and extremely tough) guard (who is also on fire, by the way), the group proceeds to enter the building.  The DM asks the party to roll a d20, and it is then that Tordek, Vanya, and Popori notice flying arrows from behind them.  Obviously, the guards along the west walls have caught wind of the company's shenanigans, but they are no match for the two rangers, who remain outside to pick off the archers.  Everyone else enters the building to presumably kill some guards and rescue the princess.

OOG: Travis, playing with his dice, pops his own son in the forehead with a random, freaky dice flip.

Popori wows the crowd outside with 36 points of arrow damage to a squishy archer.  Inside, there is much hacking, slashing, punching, scorching over the next several minutes.  The leader (here dubbed 'Giganto') has menacingly advanced towards the fighters, but the party carries on, undaunted.

1. Crom fumbles and flings his weapon across the room.

2. Tordek scores a kill and, looking to "cleave more soldiers", follows the sounds of Gary's celebration outside

3. After a Shocking Grasp by Eva, Vanya delivers the final death punch to the windpipe of one guard.

4. Arnie the cleric takes a break from fighting to do some much-needed healing.

5. Giganto continues to advance, despite being Magic Missiled by Eva.

6. The rangers and fighter return inside, where Popori critically fumbles, nailing Crom in the back with an arrow.

7. Finally, though, the sorceress Shocks Giganto to death.

However, while the epic battle seems to be over...but nothing could be further from the truth, because...

1.  Eva begins a search for treasure near the throne, and sets off a trap, which drops her into the pit below the suspended cage.

2. Vanya sees an eight-legged arachoferretcheeseheadleopard, now advancing menacingly, in the pit with Eva.

3. Tordek jumps in to the pit, Vanya Slow Falls, and Crom slides down the chute.

4. Eva takes several points of claw damage but manages to get in a Scorching Ray.

5. Gary, ignoring the drama below, continues searching up top, and finds a heavy treasure chest near the throne. 

6. Tordek swipes and Vanya punches the creature.

7. Eva crawls away and goes fetal after being clawed down to five hit points.

8. Popori gets an arrow shot in from above.

9. Arnie watches.

10. Tordek finally makes the kill, and hoists a bleeding Eva back up the chute.

11. There is much divvying up of treasure and discussing and searching of bodies.  After a delayed reaction by Arnie, Eva is finally healed.

12.  Everyone gets A LOT OF GOLD and BOOTY (swimming rings, potions, wand, swords, huzzah!)

13.  Vanya begins to question the prisoner, Nadima.  As it turns out, she's extremely whiny...

N: I've had a bad day.

E: Let me tell you about a bad day! (Eva is visibly restrained during this exchange)

After a not-so-gentle removal of Nadima from her cage, the party makes their way back to the Campbell escorts (100 of them!  Where the hell were they during all this?)  Eva sends one last tension-releasing Fireball back at the complex tower.  The group receives another 100 gold pieces from head Campbell guy and another task: sneak Nadima to Hrunchuk's Garden in the Temple Garden.  Eva refuses to go another step until the slave brands have been removed (per hiring agreement), which Campbell does then do.

After a day or two's rest, the group is off to escort Nadima to the garden, but not before the encounter of a troop of green-clad men, prompting Nadima to cry out, "I'm saved!  Rescue me!" to them.

Oh, hell no, she just didn't?

Beneath Two Suns - Episode 3

So, here we are again.  As a quick reminder, here are your players:

Crom the human barbarian (Travis)
Arnie the human cleric (Alex)
Vanya the human monk (Me)
Tordek the dwarf fighter (Capt)
Eva the human sorceress (Kerri)
Gary the human ranger (Spencer)

As you'll probably remember (or read in the last post), our group of players were in a tower, where scorched and dead guards littered the stone floor.

After a quick Listen check, it is discovered that more groups of federal wardens are converging on the tower, presumably to investigate the extremely noticeable plumes of flames and sounds of dying emanating from there.  However, since the group has had the taste of sweet freedom, they will not be going quietly into the silent night, as it were.  Gary and Eva go up top, where they can rain arrows and fireballs down from above.  Vanya, Tordek, Crom, and Arnie remain downstairs to battle it out in melee combat.

Things proceed like this:

1. Gary fires his bow, hitting one.
2. Eva fireballs a squadron for 21 points of fire damage; Gary manages to put one of the scorched out of their misery shortly thereafter.
3. In the room below, everyone is Kung Fu fighting as Vanya punches the first guard who enters through the tower door.  But then...

Tordek Critically Fumbles...twice in a row.  His axe ricochets off the stone tower wall into his own chest, and he takes 10 points of self-inflicted damage.  And the axe falls to the ground.  There are several seconds of 'Are you shitting me?' as this happens.

4. Arnie is placed on Dead Body Patrol.  Essentially, he is responsible for clearing out the corpses so that Vanya, Tordek, and Crom have room to pile up more.

5. Kills: Crom - 4, Eva 1 + a batch, Gary - 1, Arnie - 1, Tordek - 2.  At this point, the guards wise up and spread themselves out a little, preventing them from being such an easy target for the party members up above.  Eva and Gary spot more squadrons approaching in the distance and shout this news to their brothers-in-arms below.

6.  Gary's wild idea includes just throwing a bunch of arrows down onto the guards, until others persuade him of its ineffectiveness.  He then harnesses his chi enough to roll a 20, giving one guard 20 points of arrow-to-the-brain damage.

OOG: Yours truly states that this guard, suffering from such head trauma, reminds her of Johnny Ringo dying after being shot in the head by Doc Holliday in the 1993 movie, "Tombstone".

7. Eva notices airboats hovering in the distance. ("Airboats???")

8. Vanya Stunning Fists a guard, Crom chops him, and Arnie drags him away.  By the way, Arnie is an extremely sensitive cleric as he apologizes to each dead body as he hauls them off.

9.  The drivers of the two airboats are now close enough to yell to the party to jump on and ride to safety.  However, the flyers refer to them as 'slaves', which the players don't care for.  Pretty soon, the fighters below hear Gary screaming, "Hey!  Get your butts up here!  There's flying boats!"

10.  The prudent thing to do here is to retreat, which the lower-level fighters prepare to do, but first, Vanya, Crom, Arnie, and Tordek must prepare the Meat and Wooden Table Barricade, which will buy them some time against the advancing groups of wardens.

11.  Gary, with no reservations whatsoever, leaps onto the first aircraft.  Eva, the smarter one of the two, wishes to driver to identify himself.  The flyer responds with something vague like "No time, slaves.  We must get to safety."  Eva's Sense Motive check turns up a genuine response, so she too leaps aboard.  She attemps a Charm Person spell on her driver, to no effect that she can perceive.

12.  After a bit more hacking and axe-dropping, the fighters below clamber atop the tower, where they see two flying DeLoreans...I mean, airboats waiting to be boarded.

13. Vanya rolls an extremely high Jump check, and resembles Legolas from "Lord of the Rings" on her leap into the boat.  Arnie, obviously weighed down by guilt from the recent massacre, rolls an 11 and clumsily stumbles onto his boat.

Eva is unable to retrieve any answers from her driver, and eventually, the boats land in a courtyard.  Fighters of all kinds are practicing their arts, and a man wearing burgundy armor makes his way towards the company (metal armor signifies nobility).  It is duly noted that he DOES NOT request the party incline to him.

This man declares himself of the House of Campbell, prompting Eva to ask about soup.  He then offers the group 100 gold pieces to join his cause and offers to remove the slave brands from their arms.  It is quickly being realized that some kind of bookkeeping is in order to help keep track of all the jobs this party is being hired to do.

Campbell wishes for the party to journey to a thieves' swamp to rescue a recently abducted woman.  Vanya inquires if this is the Princess Nadima, and Campbell appears to be surprised that the group knows of the abduction.  From the man's demeanor, the group surmises Princess Nadima is on Campbell's Enemy list.  And as Tordek and Eva comment, "any enemy of the enemy is our friend."

The group decides to take the job, and soon, it's off to the swamp.  En route, the group runs into a giant 10-legged spider, which freaks Travis out, but not his alter ego, Crom.  The party dispatches the psuedo-arachnid like this:

1. Vanya attempts Stunning Fist, only to find Mr. Spider is immune.
2. Eva Shocking Grasps the critter.
3. The spider successfully enters into a Grapple with Vanya.
4. Arnie Critically Fumbles.
5. Gary does some damage.
6. Tordek misses.
7. Vanya frees herself from the grapple.
8. Eva casts Magic Missile...not into the darkness, but into the spider.
9. Crom Critically Fumbles, and nicks the squishy sorceress.
10. Tordek hits for 15 points damage.
11. Vanya punches it.
12. The spider successfully grabs Eva and retreats.
13. Eva is paralyzed by the spider's pincer gunk.
13. Gary nails Mr. Spider with an arrow as it scurries away up the tree, killing it.
14. Six-foot-two Arnie rushes forward to catch the falling, paralyzed Eva.

The true definition of irony comes in the form of Eva's predicament during this whole episode:  Being the only sorceress in the party, only she has the ability to cast both Feather Fall and Detect Poison, both of which would be very, very useful in this case.  However, being immobilized prevents her from doing so.

Upon reaching a swamp-like area, some hippopotamus-type creatures emerge, identifying the party as "Bad man things".  Gary the Ranger does his animal-calming thing, attempts to pet the hippos, and pretty soon, the hippos' hostility has been assuaged.  They gesture for the party to follow them, and as wise Tordek says, "Always follow the talking hippo."

***Details here are on the sparse side, as the Monk/Scribe was preparing the Party's supper.***

The hippos lead the group to a trail, and several yards down the way, footsteps appears to diverge from the main path, only to reemerge many feet beyond.  This would seem to indicate a trap of some sort, and so the group follows suit.  Gary's Elf Eyes spot a small castle in the swampy distance.  Eva suggests a reconnaissance mission.  She casts Invisibility on Vanya, who, after several minutes, reports back that there are three entrances, one main one, and two swampy ones.  Roughly ten guards are posted on every wall.  In the center of the castle are shacks and one larger building near the center.

Theories abound, but gentle questioning and prodding of the DM seem to indicate that if indeed the Princess were here, that centrally-located building might be the locale.

It is here that the group decides to camp for the night and 'storm the castle' in the morning.  Oh, yeah, and rescue whatsherface too.

Beneath Two Suns - Episode 2

Your trusty scribe once again presents the continuing adventures of...This Current Party of Adventurers.

Someday, we will think of a great name for our gamer group, and then, prepare to reap the whirlwind.

Tonight, I am attempting to condense five pages of notes on tonight's adventure into a brief, yet amusing blog post.  Here goes...

We have a two new players with us tonight.  A young man by the name of Alex is taking over as Arnie the Cleric, and his dad, Travis, is playing a barbarian named Crom (he enters the action later).  The rest of us you know:

Vanya the human monk (Me)
Tordek the dwarf fighter (Capt)
Eva the human sorceress (Kerri)
Gary the human ranger (Spencer)

The adventure last left off with the party, grudgingly, allowing themselves to branded (again) as slaves of the House of Estercari.  Vanya is especially displeased as no aloe or Lanacaine is administered for pain.  The group is soon summoned to the Throne Room of the Princess Nadima.

There are several awkward moments for the ladies here as the DM reads a quite vivid description of the princess reclining in all her glory.  Note here: only Kerri and Heather object to the details about Nadima's lips, etc. - the guys in the party appear not to mind.  The ladies then turn their attention to the ginormous bodyguard-type guy positioned in an alcove behind Nadima (aka The Giant in the Alcove).  A snippet of the following conversation:

Princess:  You may incline to me.
Party (internal): Screw you, lady.
Party (external): We'll do it, but we won't like it.
Princess: Why did you save me?  Is it because I'm so beautiful?
Party: Gag.

At this moment, there is a commotion as a large number of wounded guards burst onto the scene, following by several slaves wielding weapons.  The slave revolt has deposited itself right on the nobility's doorstep.  The company has a decision to make: protect the princess, take the princess hostage, or run for it?  A brief side conversation renders this plan: pretend to "save" the princess, then have Eva barbecue her (via Fireball) if she doesn't do what we want her to.

Tordek implores Eva to Fireball as many of the revolters as possible (like she needs much persuasion), and she scorches seven to death.  A short, stocky barbarian-type guy is then seen among the fray, hacking and slashing the slave fighters as well.  It would appear this guy on the party's side...

Then...

1. The cleric, fighter, and ranger all rush in to grab a longsword and start killing.
2. The monk takes a slave down with a simple punch to the face.
3. The sorceress, cleric, ranger, and fighter take sword damage.
4. Vanya (monk) doesn't.
5. Eva (sorcercess) critically fumbles her Scorching Ray spell.  Fortunately, nothing is set aflame.
6. Kills: Tordek - 4, Gary - 2, Vanya - 2, Crom - 2, Arnie - 1, Eva - 1
7. Eva critically fumbles (again).  She runs into Vanya, knocking them both over.
8. Vanya is like WTF? upon falling to the ground, especially when a severed head falls into her lap (thanks to Crom's mighty blow).

All slaves are dead, and the princess is still cowering in the corner.  Eva and Vanya approach her.  Vanya informs Nadima that since they've saved her life twice now, she may incline to them.  Nadima refuses.  Vanya departs, but not before lobbing a snarky comment in the princess's direction.

Crom is unwinding after his killing spree by playing hacky sack with the decapitated head.

More guards enter, along with Sidones...who is the Codifex (mayor) of the city.  He tells us we may incline to him.  Eva and Tordek are chafed, and we all give a half-assed effort.

The Codifex explains that these rebellions are getting out of hand.  He then hires the present party to "locate the rats at the source of this unnatural rebellion".  Arnie asks for payment, which the Codifex agrees to provide: 200 gold pieces and their freedom.  There is much question-asking of the Codifex, who is referred to throughout as Sid, Sidney, and Sid Vicious.  Sid explains that he wants the party to infiltrate the rebellion leaders and find out who's behind it...he informs them that their "escape" will be very easy.

Ultimately, the guy is a jerk and treats the party as lowlifes...Tordek soon makes a motion (and it is quickly seconded, voted on, and passed) to hereafter refer to the Codifex as "Dick".

The party takes the job, not because they want to help Dick, but because he threatens to incarcerate them if they don't.  Besides, the party reasons, they don't *have* to come back at all.  And maybe they won't...

Meanwhile, the company is then led down to the dungeons and thrown in the clink with other slaves, rumored to be the ringleaders of the insurgency.  However, it's quite comical that, when Eva inquires, none of them have thought to check the cell bars as a way of escape.  Much rejoicing then ensues after Crom easily yanks the grill loose.   However, our party wishes to know where the group is going.  A failed Diplomacy check and bailout by Eva and Arnie, respectively, provides the group with a location: Beggar's Quarters. 

Slaves left and right begin leaping out into the canal to swim for their freedom, and our party looks to follow them, except:

1. Gary yells out "Wheee" as he cannonballs into the water below, but nearly drowns on a critically fumbled Swim check.  The group cautions the ranger from doing cannonballs (and yelling) in the future.

The party (now with a pack of rebel slaves) wind their way through an extensive tunnel system to another city-island.  It's a helluva long walk, and when the group surfaces, they are instantly accosted by a random woman who is wailing that her daughter has been abducted by fiends from the North Tower.  She begs for the party to rescue the girl.  The party walks on.

Upon reaching the Beggar's Quarter, the party is put into contact with a guy named Loring who appears to be in charge.  He wishes to hire the party as mercenaries of the House of Eward (head guy: Wanek).  Upon further investigation, those of the House of Eward wish to depose the current Codifex (Dick) and place Wanek (a fair, just leader) in his place.  The hired mercenaries are responsible for committing acts of mayhem against the House of Estercari (leader: Dick).  At first telling, the group is inclined to be in favor of such a plan, considering their issues with Dick.

The barbarian (whom the party knows little about) asks about a beauty parlor, where rumors might be confirmed and gossip might be exchanged.  There is much WTF? from the other party members at this question.  Sexual orientation of the barbarian is suspect at this time.

That sexual identity thing aside, it dawns on the party that they would now be operating as double double agents.  The clincher to becoming Benedict Arnolds?  The realization that Loring did not ask them to incline to him.  And the deal is sealed.

Loring provides weapons (much to the dwarf's great disappointment, he did not receive any axe) and the first day's wage.  On the way to the inn (to bed down for the night), there is a minor altercation between Eva and the voice of her conscience, Arnie.  Eva wants a nightcap at the tavern, Arnie doesn't want her to.  (Note: this do-gooder cleric is played very well by first-timer Alex)  Finally, Eva cajoles Arnie into letting her go, on the condition that Crom goes with her.  As both Eva and Crom are Chaotic Neutral, this could potentially end badly, but Arnie relents.

Eva informs Crom they are going to the bar to "pick up guys", and he is totally okay with it.  Eva convinces a random dude at the bar to buy her a drink, then random dude buys Crom a drink, and again, Crom is okay with it.  At this point, Crom denies that he is a "gay barbarian" - he prefers to be called "metrosexual".  The dude at the bar is a dud and Eva returns to her room partnerless (if that indeed was her intention).

A brief meeting with Loring in the morning (ooh, rhyme) and breakfast and then, SHOPPING!

1. Tordek = happy dwarf.  He now owns a greataxe.
2. Gary is rude with the shopkeep for reasons that are unknown (even to Gary).
3. The members of the party who can and want to wear armor purchase some.
4. Girls and Crom - New Clothes!  (an explorer's outfit and a monk's outfit and a pink loincloth)

And, now, it's back to Loring for Job #1.  The party is hired to make the trek through the tunnels, back onto the island of Estercari, and storm a guard tower.  Sounds fun.  En route back to Dick's place, the group has a run-in with some federal wardens.  No problem, because:

1. Arnie wounds one.
2. Crom kills two.
3. Eva Magic Missiles one.
4. Gary kills one.
5. Tordek kills one (and then celebrates the kill by critically fumbling).
6. Vanya spent the entire skirmish in the shadows, watching.
 
The entire group emerge aboveground, and moves more stealthily towards the guard tower.  Within moments, a town crier makes a decree: A 10 gp reward for any runaway slave, returned AND a 10,000 gp (and freedom) to whomever can recover the recently-abducted Princess Nadima.  This is interesting news to the group as they realize they've only been gone a day and a half and whatsherbutt has been kidnapped already.  A plan is quickly concocted, then discarded: dress Gary up as the Princess...No, wait, dress Eva up as the Princess, and when "she" reunites with her father, the Codifex (aka Dick), she casts Shocking Grasp on him.

A good, if half-cocked, plan.  Anyway, onto the tower.

1. Tordek hacks the two-story structure's wooden door.  Crom finishes it off.
2. Eva sends a Fireball up the ladder to the second floor.  There is a fantastic explosion and cries of pain.
3. Tordek critically fumbles immediately after ascending, and falls back into the ladder hole.  Images of squirmy dwarf legs cause giggles.
4.  Eva casts Mage Armor on the dwarf, you know, in case something else goes wrong.
5. Soon, all second floor guards are dead and body searches turn up some sweet gold pieces.

And this is where the adventure ends tonight, at the top of a guard tower in Estercari, amid piles of dead guards.