-Courtesy of Lola
Last Friday saw another Dungeons and Dragons quest, in which our brave adventurers journeyed to mystical, children-story-themed lands to rescue the beautiful Princess Florissa from...exactly what, we don't know yet.
Highlights include:
1. Battle #1 the slaying of six grimlocks. Those blind ogre-thingies won't mess with us again.
2. The fighter leads the party through the exit onto a narrowish walkway at the edge of a pool. Barbarian gets overexcited and knocks the fighter and cleric into the water. Fighter catches herself. Monk catches cleric.
3. Fighter loses scimitar in pool after attempting to beat down door at the end of the water path. Cleric fails reflex check and takes damage from the flying scimitar before it sinks in the water.
4. Party is flummoxed as to how to open the door. DM gives a clue about a key attached to the wall above the door. Barbarian uses sweet flying boots to retrieve key...but fumbles and drops the key into the water.
5. Frog pops up out of pool and angrily asks if there's anything else party is planning on dropping on his head. Talking frog wants to come on adventure; group agrees. Cleric has epiphany and asks to kiss frog. Frog assents and turns into a full-grown human paladin named Justice Chambers. Good timing.
6. Qui the monk sniggers at the paladin's name. Group takes a minute to remind monk his name rhymes with a girly emotive action - so he should shut up.
7. Next room turns up five ants. Amid the biting and stinging, everyone but the gnome cleric are charmed and stop fighting right in the middle of the fracas. Qui gets cocky and ends up whiffing both fists at one of the ants. Rana the fighter is so charmed, she actually begins protecting ants.
8. A huge scorpion enters, and Rana and Boof go uncharmed. The cleric Scorching Rays the scorpion's poisonous ass and Boof makes the final fatal blow. Almost immediately, Boof and Rana go charmed again, and Lola the cleric has to actually cast Hold Person on Rana to get her the hell of the way. Qui spends about half the time charmed as well.
9. After a hell of a lot of charming and uncharming, the party defeats the ant monstrosities (one of which was the queen) and finds four chests with some goodies (a sack, a potion, a crystal, and boots). Lola the cleric searches the queen's body to some extra coinage...shortly before Rana the fighter (and resident pyromaniac) sets the carcass ablaze.
10. Party enters bedroom, and all, except Qui and Justice fail Will saves, immediately fall asleep (the "sleeping beauty" room). In a weird kissing daisy chain, Qui kisses Rana, Justice kisses Lola, and Lola reluctantly kisses Boof, the half-orc. The good times continue to roll as six skeletons enter the scene. The cleric destroys two by turning, and Boof and Qui dispatch the rest. Another failed Will save renders all but Lola the cleric instantly asleep. So...Lola kisses Justice, who kisses Rana, who kisses Qui, who harbors heterosexual tendencies ONLY. The first wake-up attempt is a Create Water spell on Boof's body, but does nothing except make the barbarian look as if he's in the throes of an erotic wet dream. Attempt number two (courtesy of Qui) is to drag Boof from the room and slap him around. It works.
11. Party is now in a weapons room, and after unsheathing a huge boulder, party discovers a sword, and, in the manner of Excalibur, plunges the sword into the rock, revealing a secret door and small table holding only a blue vial.
***At this point, out of game, it is discovered that the banana muffins people have been eating all night are actually moldy. They are quickly disposed of.
12. A la Alice in Wonderland, blue vial potion shrinks anyone who drinks it, a fact learned after Boof glugs it.
13. All players then drink the potion, discover a door, and go through it to find the "three little kittens" (aka a manticore, dire lion, and a dire tiger). The tiger majorly kicks the cleric's ass (left with 12 out of 60 hit points). Players end up winning, natch, and Rana locates a mitten in the surrounding environs. Odd...
14. Upon entering the next room, the players see three chairs, a table, three beds, and yep, you guessed it, three bears. Battle begins. Qui gets a super smackdown from the Baby Bear (40 hit points in one go), and pretty soon, we're all ganging up on the little guy. And not feeling bad about it at all. However, we got that strategy figured out a little too late, because before the BBWA (Baby Beat Whomp Ass), we all were staggering on hit points. The paladin magically is able to cast Cure Mass Critical Wounds, and suddenly, we're all rejuvenated. Again, good timing...
15. After the revitalization, Lola casts Summon Monster and soon, a celestial lion enters the scene and assists in kicking some bear ass. Pretty soon, Mama Bear is all that's left, and Qui ends up getting a natural 20 to completely annihilate Mama Bear (so much for not hitting a girl).
16. After playing with a statue with a messed up hinged thumb thingy, the party returns to the room in the beginning, leveling up in the process.
Good times, good times.
