Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Search for Frosty: Episode 3

From the golden quill of our sexy sorceress!

Well, this is way overdue, but better late than never, I always say.

This Dungeons and Dragons adventure provided a bit of excitement in the fact that our DM for the evening was Brent, who had not captained the helm since January 2009.

Feel free to peruse back through Yuena’s archives to bring yourself up to speed on this particular campaign…or, read my quick recap here. The roster includes:

Bavmorda: a half-elf rogue
Pyre Fierceshot: half-elf ranger
Ellora: human sorceress
Brunhilda: half-orc barbarian

After some out-of-game congratulations to the Captain on his new job and exclamations of disgust/interest of an online picture of a gal with back piercings, the party settled in.

As you may (or, probably don’t) remember, this party was commissioned to rescue an artifact, a sword names Frosty, by the mayor of Teaville. After a double-cross by a dwarf named Pilch, a scotch-hobbling of said dwarf by Crazy Cletus, and an angry mob chase out of town, the party fled to Kokoa (Pyre’s hometown), taking refuge there. Sharing the recent events with Kokoa’s mayor, it is soon agreed upon that action must be taken. Concern over the erratic mayor’s behavior lately, as well as the recent news from Jonathan, the Kokoa/Teaville liaison, that residents of Teaville have taken up arms and declared war on the small group of adventurers (eliciting a moment of reflective shock from Bavmorda, who had obviously never had war declared on her), make it clear things are moving quickly.

Jonathan also informs the group that Fern, the friendly guide from previous adventures, has been taken hostage to the dreaded Mount Dew. The group feels an obligation to rescue Fern, since it is their fault he has been associated with them.

The mayor is then completely told how to do his job when Pyre recommends a stockpiling of arms, gathering of supplies, and protecting of women and children. The group chuckles for a moment when the mayor says, “I have this rod,” and proceeds to give Ellora a wand that sends up cocoa-flavored, rice-krisped flares.

It seems the general plan now is for the party to rescue Fern, then subdue the village of Teaville. Sounds like a good time, and trips to the general store and church to secure supplies are in order. Ellora and Jonathan take a tumble in the hay at this time as well.

The two-day trip to Mount Dew is interesting to say the least:

1. Owlbear on the road: Brunhilda wastes no time and takes off at a dead sprint. Ellora attempts to do a sexy spell-casting-while-riding-horse series of movements, but fails her Concentration check. Brunhilda takes some serious claw and bite damage, Ellora Scorching Rays the creature, Pyre Rapid Shots it, and Bav finally chalks up the kill. Brunhilda picks up the body and shakes it fiercely…finding a few gold pieces.

2.Brunhilda kind of has a thing for Pyre and tries “hitting” on him.

B: Green is your favorite color. (Whether she’s asking him or telling him is unclear)
P: Yes, it is. Me being a man of nature and all.

3. Group comes upon a weird-looking tree and from it stream a pack of…RACCOONS! After several shouts of “Are you shitting me?”, the fight begins. There is a significant amount of clawing, shooting, magic missiling until the party notices Jabba the Hutt-Raccoon, perhaps the leader, skulking in the background. Ellora casts Web and traps two, Pyre critically misses, and Bav makes a kill. Ellora casts Flaming Sphere on Jabba, who attacks and knocks Ellora off her horse and bites her, but eventually JH is taken down. Bavmorda locates a small hole off to the side of the tree, she squeezes in, locates treasure, throws it out to the rest of the crew, and the loot is divvied up among the others.

4. Ellora gives her Corsair’s eyepatch to Brunhilda, and recommends she put it on (for reasons that make sense only to a Chaotic Neutrally aligned person, no doubt). Out-of-game: Captain Tiki makes a “strap-on” comment at this time and finds himself backpedaling a bit, language-wise, as there are small children in the room.

5. The party travels on up over the hill, where they spot an ogre in the distance. Pyre restrains Brunhilda from running to it, but Ellora spoils it by shouting “Oy, ogre!”. The beast is quickly made into mince-ogre-meat, with Pyre collecting the goods off the dead body.

**Interlude: There is some side boob coppage of Brunhilda by the ranger.**

6. A noise in the distance alerts the party to a giant eagle who appears to be fighting off a group of goblins. After noticing the eagle is protecting a nest, the party storms in to help. Bav sneak attacks and kills one, Pyre picks one off due to Rapid Shot, Ellora freezes one with Ray of Frost, Brunhilda critically hits one, and cleaves it with her mighty greataxe.

7. After the fray has ended, the party slowly backs away from the giant, uber-overprotective mother eagle. To their great surprise, the eagle then says, “Don’t go, friends.” The upshot of this fascinating conversation is the eagle offers the party rides to Mount Dew, but only when her mate returns, the when of that being unclear. The party declines and rides on, soon camping for the night. Pyre is used as Brunhilda’s giant body pillow, and since Bav doesn’t need as much sleep as the rest of the party, she entertains herself by playing pranks on the sleeping couple (placing hands in provocative positions, etc.).

OOG: Some RenFest discussion and strawberry shortcake.

8. Bav continues to be on watch, but the camp is soon in chaos due to an orc attack. Brunhilda takes forever to wake up, but it’s not long before the Scorching Rays, Rapid Shots, greataxes, Shocking Grasps, and short swords have rendered the orcs incapacitated. Brunhilda checks, but finds no gold pieces.

OOG: It’s another round of sexual innuendos as Mrs. Tiki explains why she likes the clicky eraser (“it’s just the tip” and “the shaft is fine”), and these comments elicit a response from the DM about “the ranger pitching a tent”. Bwaaaahahaaaa,

9. Party sees Mount Dew in the distance and they press on. But not long after the sighting, Pyre’s “elf-eyes” spots a wagon train in the distance, and he calls Bavmorda to come check it out as well. Brunhilda and Ellora are like WTF? at being left out, so they join the other two as well. Turns out the party is gazing at a guarded wagon. Yay.

10. An elaborate diversion is planned:

a. Ellora will distract the front two guards by being a damsel in distress. This involves torn clothing and overflowing cleavage. She pretends to be running from the mad half-orc (aka Brunhilda) who the guards just happen to see coming down the hill. They have no idea Brunhilda is coming for them.

b. As the front appears to be under the company’s control, Bavmorda and Pyre will pick off guardsmen from the back. Bav succeeds on her attempts, Pyre fails; there is much swearing.

c. Brunhilda hacks at horse and unseats (and kills) a guard, Ellora Shocking Grasps the two footmen.

d. Four more guards issue from the inside of the wagon.; Ellora misses her touch attack.

e. Bav and Pyre take care of four horsemen, Ellora electrocutes some, Brunhilda cleaves a few, Pyre is in disbelief about the guy who’s still fighting even though he’s got FIVE ARROWS sticking out of him. However, when the smoke clears, eleven guards are dead.

At this point, the company stops for a well-deserved lunch. The gaming session comes to a close for the night as well. Excellent so far!