Hopefully, a worthy tale for my listeners. Ummm...readers.
This is Captain Tiki's adventure, the one at sea and the party is as follows:
Andromeda - a sexually expressive Deepwoods Sniping Druid
Mercutio - the much-abused Dragon Disciple/Sorcerer (aka Powder Monkey, Cock Blocker, Wizard etc.)
Captain Bella - the party's resident Rogue/Honorable Dread Pirate, and Captain of the vessel, the Nightshade
Willow - a brooding orc-, merfolk-, and certain human-hating Ranger/Bloodhound
This party left off in the port of Gradsul, where a day's repair awaited the Nightshade.
Bella and Willow: off to the nearest tavern
Andromeda: off to the forest with Teowynn and their cats
Mercutio: hang around the ship, but sends Fizz out to spread his seed
At the local Seaside Bar, Willow purchased a mead and broods. Bella buys a round for everyone in the bar (except for Willow, who obviously spoke too soon). A rousing chorus of "Are you shitting me?" goes up around the room.
Bella and Willow hatch a Bar Rumble plan, in which the two local bars (one of sailors, the other of farmers) will fight each other Jets vs. Sharks-style. Bella then meanders to the other bar to buy drinks for those guys, and begin to spread her own seed...of discontent.
Fizz has returned, meanwhile, to Mercutio, looking much, much happier and calmer. Speaking of calm, Andromeda is not when she discovers that although she wished to be ordering from the LUNCH menu, the restaurant where she and Teowynn sit is nearing the very end of its lunch rush. In fact, they've hit the early dinner senior citizen crowd.
Bella buys the farmers' bar patrons a drink, and general cry of "Farmers Are Good People" is heard 'round the tavern. It is OOG considered that this would be an excellent t-shirt slogan.
Mercutio meets Andromeda coming back to the ship with her druid friend, and Lawful Neutral Mercutio feels the need to lay down the Non-Wenching Rules of the Ship (which really only apply to him, but whatever). There is much confusion and questioning by Andromeda, and it seems Mercutio is attempting to pull rank - thus setting off a spell battle between the two players.
Andromeda morphes into giant octopus form. Mercutio responds by casting Fly on himself, and then Invisibility. Andromeda casts Standing Wave, which carries her around, following the sound of Merc's voice as he taunts her. In the final blow, Mercutio casts Dancing Lights...and since Andromeda cannot obviously compete with that, she is done. In what can only be perceived as a "victory dance", Mercutio humps the Captain's wheel. It is assumed by Andromeda that the wheel is now tainted, because she can see the movement of the wheel and in what manner it is moving, but she cannot see Mercutio, whom she assumed has his clothes off (which he doesn't).
Back at the Seaside Bar, a half-orc enters. Willow stares, glares, and broods some more. It is not her nature to start something, but she will finish it, given the chance. At this time, Bella bops in, buys yet another round, and yells, "Sailors Are Good People!". By the way, Andromeda has arrived.
And, then, of all things, Fizz the owl flies in the tavern, clutching a waterskin and a note for the bartender...who, by the way, doesn't know how to read. So Willow "translates" for the barkeep and tells him the note roughly says, "I'm from the Farmer Bar, I want a cheap beer, but I don't want to soil my shoes by stepping in that place. Please, fill this waterskin, and send it back with the owl." The bartender is angry, and begins to spread discontent around the bar, while Andromeda buys a beer and leaves the inn. Pretty soon, some of the Seaside bar patrons appear to be riled, so Willow and Bella exit through the front door, hoping to lead them to the Farmer Bar (well, not really lead, but appear to lead, then follow sneakily). About fifteen patrons end up in front of the Farmer Bar, unsure of what to do next when Bella from the back of the crowd chucks a rock through the window, and Willow screams "Farmers Suck!" Despite these great efforts, the attempt at a bar brawl fizzles. Willow and Bella return to the ship to analyze bar failure/mob mentality strategies.
Willow miserably fails a Bluff check as she tells Mercutio the bartender bitch-slapped Fizz around when he flew in with the waterskin.
An uneventful night passes, and the party leaves the next morning. Up head - the Gryrax peninsula.
The Events of the Day:
1. Attack by three giant squid, who reach with ten tentacles onto the ship. Squid #1: Willow critically fumbles, only gets in two of her six weapon attacks. Andromeda critically hits and Squid #1 peels off side of ship. Squid #2 and #3 pull up their ugly faces over the ship. Their tentacle slaps do A LOT of damage to Mercutio, Willow, and Bella. Squid #2 succeeds on a grapple with Willow and does another ten biting damage. Eventually, the party, with the help of Willow's wolverine (Logan) and Andromeda's lion (Aslan), squid #2 is calamari. Squid #3 does a fair amount of smackage, but through a tremendous whole=group effort, that sucker dies too.
2. OOG: Dinner Break. Cold cut sandwiches, fruit, chips. Also, a raging debate: should the Tikis buy a kneeboard for the upcoming camping trip? Or maybe a new tube? Everyone had opinions on this one.
3. Back in the game, Fizz spots four sea turtle-looking things...official name: TOJANIDA. Spanish or something. Mercutio casts an off-ship ice storm, which sends a pretty serious message to the ToJos. The fighting begins, and Mercutio is blinding by stinging stream of Tostada ink. Fizz casts Bull Strength on Willow, which beefs up the ranger's damage. Bella and Willow make a kill each, meanwhile a lightning bolt spell cast by Mercutio sends sizzling meat chunks all over the ship. Searches of the whole carcasses, as well as the meat chunks, turn up a fair amount of platinum pieces for the entire party.
4. The party reaches Blue, Andromeda disembarks to say goodbye to Teowynn, but everyone else stays on board. The almighty leveling beam touches each party member. Whoohoo!
5. The last leg of the sea journey is nearing to an end, as the Nightshade comes into Relmor Bay. A squad of Triton makes an attack, but the party proves to be ready, picking off the aquatic humanoids one by one. Kills: Mercutio - Two, Willow - Two, Bella - One, Andromeda - Three.
6. Thorgrin the dwarf meets the fleet at the docks of Prymp. He is obviously delighted to have the entire fleet of ships return, whole, full of good iron. After many attempts of the party to use "Jedi Mind Tricks", Thorgrin grants each person "One Magical Upgrade on Weapon". Mercutio steps in here and asks for a free taco...Thorgrin is feeling generous, obviously, and grants "Free Tacos to All!"
7. Andromeda makes a comment about "never having a dwarf before". Thorgrin looks her over and declares "I'd do you." Andromeda ends up passing the dwarf over, as she says she'd appreciate someone with a little more enthusiasm.
And that's it!
