Your trusty scribe once again presents the continuing adventures of...This Current Party of Adventurers.
Someday, we will think of a great name for our gamer group, and then, prepare to reap the whirlwind.
Tonight, I am attempting to condense five pages of notes on tonight's adventure into a brief, yet amusing blog post. Here goes...
We have a two new players with us tonight. A young man by the name of Alex is taking over as Arnie the Cleric, and his dad, Travis, is playing a barbarian named Crom (he enters the action later). The rest of us you know:
Vanya the human monk (Me)
Tordek the dwarf fighter (Capt)
Eva the human sorceress (Kerri)
Gary the human ranger (Spencer)
The adventure last left off with the party, grudgingly, allowing themselves to branded (again) as slaves of the House of Estercari. Vanya is especially displeased as no aloe or Lanacaine is administered for pain. The group is soon summoned to the Throne Room of the Princess Nadima.
There are several awkward moments for the ladies here as the DM reads a quite vivid description of the princess reclining in all her glory. Note here: only Kerri and Heather object to the details about Nadima's lips, etc. - the guys in the party appear not to mind. The ladies then turn their attention to the ginormous bodyguard-type guy positioned in an alcove behind Nadima (aka The Giant in the Alcove). A snippet of the following conversation:
Princess: You may incline to me.
Party (internal): Screw you, lady.
Party (external): We'll do it, but we won't like it.
Princess: Why did you save me? Is it because I'm so beautiful?
Party: Gag.
At this moment, there is a commotion as a large number of wounded guards burst onto the scene, following by several slaves wielding weapons. The slave revolt has deposited itself right on the nobility's doorstep. The company has a decision to make: protect the princess, take the princess hostage, or run for it? A brief side conversation renders this plan: pretend to "save" the princess, then have Eva barbecue her (via Fireball) if she doesn't do what we want her to.
Tordek implores Eva to Fireball as many of the revolters as possible (like she needs much persuasion), and she scorches seven to death. A short, stocky barbarian-type guy is then seen among the fray, hacking and slashing the slave fighters as well. It would appear this guy on the party's side...
Then...
1. The cleric, fighter, and ranger all rush in to grab a longsword and start killing.
2. The monk takes a slave down with a simple punch to the face.
3. The sorceress, cleric, ranger, and fighter take sword damage.
4. Vanya (monk) doesn't.
5. Eva (sorcercess) critically fumbles her Scorching Ray spell. Fortunately, nothing is set aflame.
6. Kills: Tordek - 4, Gary - 2, Vanya - 2, Crom - 2, Arnie - 1, Eva - 1
7. Eva critically fumbles (again). She runs into Vanya, knocking them both over.
8. Vanya is like WTF? upon falling to the ground, especially when a severed head falls into her lap (thanks to Crom's mighty blow).
All slaves are dead, and the princess is still cowering in the corner. Eva and Vanya approach her. Vanya informs Nadima that since they've saved her life twice now, she may incline to them. Nadima refuses. Vanya departs, but not before lobbing a snarky comment in the princess's direction.
Crom is unwinding after his killing spree by playing hacky sack with the decapitated head.
More guards enter, along with Sidones...who is the Codifex (mayor) of the city. He tells us we may incline to him. Eva and Tordek are chafed, and we all give a half-assed effort.
The Codifex explains that these rebellions are getting out of hand. He then hires the present party to "locate the rats at the source of this unnatural rebellion". Arnie asks for payment, which the Codifex agrees to provide: 200 gold pieces and their freedom. There is much question-asking of the Codifex, who is referred to throughout as Sid, Sidney, and Sid Vicious. Sid explains that he wants the party to infiltrate the rebellion leaders and find out who's behind it...he informs them that their "escape" will be very easy.
Ultimately, the guy is a jerk and treats the party as lowlifes...Tordek soon makes a motion (and it is quickly seconded, voted on, and passed) to hereafter refer to the Codifex as "Dick".
The party takes the job, not because they want to help Dick, but because he threatens to incarcerate them if they don't. Besides, the party reasons, they don't *have* to come back at all. And maybe they won't...
Meanwhile, the company is then led down to the dungeons and thrown in the clink with other slaves, rumored to be the ringleaders of the insurgency. However, it's quite comical that, when Eva inquires, none of them have thought to check the cell bars as a way of escape. Much rejoicing then ensues after Crom easily yanks the grill loose. However, our party wishes to know where the group is going. A failed Diplomacy check and bailout by Eva and Arnie, respectively, provides the group with a location: Beggar's Quarters.
Slaves left and right begin leaping out into the canal to swim for their freedom, and our party looks to follow them, except:
1. Gary yells out "Wheee" as he cannonballs into the water below, but nearly drowns on a critically fumbled Swim check. The group cautions the ranger from doing cannonballs (and yelling) in the future.
The party (now with a pack of rebel slaves) wind their way through an extensive tunnel system to another city-island. It's a helluva long walk, and when the group surfaces, they are instantly accosted by a random woman who is wailing that her daughter has been abducted by fiends from the North Tower. She begs for the party to rescue the girl. The party walks on.
Upon reaching the Beggar's Quarter, the party is put into contact with a guy named Loring who appears to be in charge. He wishes to hire the party as mercenaries of the House of Eward (head guy: Wanek). Upon further investigation, those of the House of Eward wish to depose the current Codifex (Dick) and place Wanek (a fair, just leader) in his place. The hired mercenaries are responsible for committing acts of mayhem against the House of Estercari (leader: Dick). At first telling, the group is inclined to be in favor of such a plan, considering their issues with Dick.
The barbarian (whom the party knows little about) asks about a beauty parlor, where rumors might be confirmed and gossip might be exchanged. There is much WTF? from the other party members at this question. Sexual orientation of the barbarian is suspect at this time.
That sexual identity thing aside, it dawns on the party that they would now be operating as double double agents. The clincher to becoming Benedict Arnolds? The realization that Loring did not ask them to incline to him. And the deal is sealed.
Loring provides weapons (much to the dwarf's great disappointment, he did not receive any axe) and the first day's wage. On the way to the inn (to bed down for the night), there is a minor altercation between Eva and the voice of her conscience, Arnie. Eva wants a nightcap at the tavern, Arnie doesn't want her to. (Note: this do-gooder cleric is played very well by first-timer Alex) Finally, Eva cajoles Arnie into letting her go, on the condition that Crom goes with her. As both Eva and Crom are Chaotic Neutral, this could potentially end badly, but Arnie relents.
Eva informs Crom they are going to the bar to "pick up guys", and he is totally okay with it. Eva convinces a random dude at the bar to buy her a drink, then random dude buys Crom a drink, and again, Crom is okay with it. At this point, Crom denies that he is a "gay barbarian" - he prefers to be called "metrosexual". The dude at the bar is a dud and Eva returns to her room partnerless (if that indeed was her intention).
A brief meeting with Loring in the morning (ooh, rhyme) and breakfast and then, SHOPPING!
1. Tordek = happy dwarf. He now owns a greataxe.
2. Gary is rude with the shopkeep for reasons that are unknown (even to Gary).
3. The members of the party who can and want to wear armor purchase some.
4. Girls and Crom - New Clothes! (an explorer's outfit and a monk's outfit and a pink loincloth)
And, now, it's back to Loring for Job #1. The party is hired to make the trek through the tunnels, back onto the island of Estercari, and storm a guard tower. Sounds fun. En route back to Dick's place, the group has a run-in with some federal wardens. No problem, because:
1. Arnie wounds one.
2. Crom kills two.
3. Eva Magic Missiles one.
4. Gary kills one.
5. Tordek kills one (and then celebrates the kill by critically fumbling).
6. Vanya spent the entire skirmish in the shadows, watching.
The entire group emerge aboveground, and moves more stealthily towards the guard tower. Within moments, a town crier makes a decree: A 10 gp reward for any runaway slave, returned AND a 10,000 gp (and freedom) to whomever can recover the recently-abducted Princess Nadima. This is interesting news to the group as they realize they've only been gone a day and a half and whatsherbutt has been kidnapped already. A plan is quickly concocted, then discarded: dress Gary up as the Princess...No, wait, dress Eva up as the Princess, and when "she" reunites with her father, the Codifex (aka Dick), she casts Shocking Grasp on him.
A good, if half-cocked, plan. Anyway, onto the tower.
1. Tordek hacks the two-story structure's wooden door. Crom finishes it off.
2. Eva sends a Fireball up the ladder to the second floor. There is a fantastic explosion and cries of pain.
3. Tordek critically fumbles immediately after ascending, and falls back into the ladder hole. Images of squirmy dwarf legs cause giggles.
4. Eva casts Mage Armor on the dwarf, you know, in case something else goes wrong.
5. Soon, all second floor guards are dead and body searches turn up some sweet gold pieces.
And this is where the adventure ends tonight, at the top of a guard tower in Estercari, amid piles of dead guards.
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