Stairway to Nerdvana courtesy of HN (the cleric)
Soooo...the King reads the scroll to transport us, and we, all of a sudden, are whisked to a floating mansion/island/freaky place. There is no way to return, and it dawns on us that we did not shop for any provisions. Huh.
We enter the mansion into a large room. A deep voice greets us with the question, "What alignment are you?"
Everyone but the cleric responds with some form of chaotic neutral, and the voice warns those party members "he will keep an eye on them." The cleric responds with "Neutral Good" and the voice welcomes the cleric. Turns out the dismembered voice belongs to a lammasu, a lion-man creature who is very good and very capable of ripping people's throats out. He informs the cleric to come back anytime for healing (YES!).
Because I'm getting tired already and this could end up long, here's the short version.
1. A room bedecked in the style of a Pepto-Bismol nursing hoom room reveals a nice little old granny, asleep in bed. That is, until the cleric clanks noisily across the room due to a failed Move Silently check. Then Granny morphs into a nasty Worg. The overgrown dog is easily dispatched.
2. Somebody (the fighter maybe) rubs a suspicious-looking lamp, releasing an efreeti. The monk punches it in the face, after which the creature lays a flaming smackdown on the barbarian. Despite this, the party drives the genie back to his lamp. Someone let the barbarian too close to the lamp, though, because he rubs it again for some asinine reason, rereleases the efreeti, who then basically gives us the finger and returns to his lamp. He does bequeath some sweet new weapons to us...you know, as a gesture of wussiness because we just kicked his arse.
3. A nearly bare room reveals a long golden goose and a couple of doors. The gnome fails a Will save and JUST HAS TO TOUCH THE GOOSE. Boof (the barb) picks her up, physically restraining her, and while he is preoccupied doing that, the fighter cannot resist and actually grabs the bird. The bird comes to life and begins to fly about the room, incidentally, with the fighter attached to it. The barbarian uses his flying boots to soar upwards in a rescue attempt and becomes stuck to the bird as well. As if this isn't enough, Boof also tries to headbutt the bird, affixing his forehead too. The cleric casts Dispel Magic, which breaks the spell. The fighter takes falling damage. Moral: Don't touch weird, out of place birds. Who knew?
4. There are several renditions of songs with the word 'cry' in them. The monk's name is Qui, which rhymes with 'cry' and so the fighter and cleric have a little fun with song substitutions.
5. Another room reveals three trolls, who proceed to whomp on the party. The cleric juggles trying to keep herself healed as well as the others. At one point in the action, the fighter suddenly sprints out of the room. No reason, no explanation. While she's gone, the barbarian rages and takes out a troll. The other two are quickly annihilated. Rana (the fighter), at that moment, bursts back into the room, looking grossly disappointed. Turned out she'd had a brainstorm...grab the efreeti lamp, rub it quick, and set it on the trolls. Brilliant, but a little too late.
6. The party then visits a room that appears to have a carnival-esque atmosphere. There is a pond with several cute ducklings swimming to and fro. The fighter is instantly enamoured, and the rest of us scratch our heads at this new idiosyncrasy of the elf - a fierce love of ducks? The cleric and monk attempt to get a game of duck baseball rolling, which is instantly quashed when the fighter pulls a weapon out on Qui (the monk). Somebody (can't remember who) grabs one ugly little fluffball, only to find a key tied to its little leg. "Hey - there was a locked door a ways back and this might be the key that opens it" is the epiphany of the hour. And off we go...
7. Locked door opens onto a hill giant. Sweet. At one point in the battle, all players (including the giant) except the gnome roll a 1 (critical miss) and fall down onto the ground. The cleric takes the opportunity to totally whale on the giant's prone form. It's hard-fought battle, and the players take significant damage before beating the giant down. It is suggested to return to the lammasu room for healing and rest, as well as a good stopping place for the adventure. Concurrences all around.
The fighter refuses to sleep in the lion-man room. Claims it creeps her out, so she opts to stay in the pink doily lace room where, I might add here, a seemingly nice, innocent grandma turned into a vicious bloodthirsting wolf (whose corpse is still present, btw).
Yeah, not paradoxical and weird at all.
Oh yeah, a winding staircase discovered at some point late in the adventure leads to the monk and cleric to croon refrains of Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven". They could hardly let it pass, for Pete's sake.
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