Still Willow...
My apologies for cutting the D&D adventure in half. It takes a long time to type, you know. At last check, this adventure covered seven and a half pages.
Anyway, upwards and onwards.
Let's see.
Captain Bella's chakram is safe and sound. At some point here that is very fuzzy in my notes, there appears to be a minor scuffle between the rogue and the sorcerer, which goes something like this...
Sorcerer: You're not the boss of me.
Rogue: *Makes threatening, advancing gesture with rope*
Sorc: *Casts Invisibility on himself and kicks rogue in the behind*
Rog: *Takes rope and whips it around in the general direction of butt-kick and source of Mercutio's voice*
Sorc: Ouch! She whipped me!
End of conflict.
Sailing continues until Fizz alerts party again to another sea creature. First glimpses give party a giant snake-like feel to the monster. Party assumes BA fighting pose a la Charlie's Angels. Through a dynamic group effort, the sea dinosaur is slayed. Many references to the end of Pirates of the Caribbean 2 are made (particularly when Johnny Depp leaps willingly into the maw of the Kraken).
Party arrives safely at the port of Blue. All ships intact. Captain sees a definite need to procure some throwing weapons (i.e. javelins) and a crossbow for herself. The druid and sorcerer head off the local inn/tavern to satisfy carnal desires. Both of them go about it in relatively different ways:
1. Druid - Search check turns up an Elf in the bar (Andromeda is picky, only pureblood elves for her tonight). Her first pickup line is somewhat unsuccessful due to a low Charisma roll, but the He-Elf is at least amenable to a glass of elven wine. Very quickly after that first glass's consumption, the He-Elf (on the spot named Legolas - quick thinking, DM!) is a very willing companion to the druid, who wishes to show him "her ship."
2. Sorcerer - In a secluded corner of the bar, Mercutio casts Invisibility on himself, strides out to the middle of the tavern, and then casts Dancing Lights. Bar patrons are now freaking out due to a sudden disco-esque display of whirling lights and colors, coming from what seems to be nowhere. To add to the effect, the sorcerer also adds a ghostly "whooooooo" noise. He then informs the DM he wants to search the room for the best-looking, yet most terrified, female in the room, because he plans to "comfort" her. A very decent Charisma roll on Mercutio's part totally impels the bar wench to accompany him back to the ship.
I'm sure you are seeing, as I did, the probable likelihood of these two parties hell-bent on boning somebody running into each other en route to the ship. Luckily, for all horny parties involved, that did not happen. However, some other strange things did...
1. Mercutio gets wench back to the ship and has a decision to make. Since his quarters are VERY public, it would be quite embarrassing to take the pretty barmaid down below deck and engage in a sex act with 160 crew members watching. He makes the following decision: cast Invisibility on himself AND the wench, lead her to the Captain's Wheel, and proceed to please her and himself in the general vicinity of Captain Bella's sacred steering mechanism. To add to the excitement, the invisibility spell wears off in roughly seven minutes. Your typical quickie.
Some confusion here ensues. Other party members wonder: if the wench is invisible, isn't the sorcerer missing out on seeing her hot body? After all, the DM states the maid is "80% attractive". The sorcerer's reply: 80% attractive + 100% invisible = IMAGINATION. Touche.
2. The Captain has finished purchasing items for the ship and is heading back. The ranger finishes her drinks and is approaching the ship as well (sans sex partner).
You may be asking yourself...in the words of Uncle Andy: How does this not end badly?
3. Indeed, as might be expected, upon arrival, Captain Bella sees and hears strange activity coming from her wheel. She alerts Willow, and they both go to investigate. Sure enough, the invisibility spell wears off, and the rogue and the ranger are now gazing upon a post-coital Mercutio and random barwench.
4. Captain Bella is pissed that her holy wheel has been defiled, and succeeds in engaging innocent barwench in a grapple, thus chucking the naked lady overboard. She then attempts same grapple on Mercutio, but fails (probably due to his sweaty, naked flesh). The sorcerer turns to lower a rope to his sodden bedfellow and is then handily tipped overboard by the rogue's sneak attack.
5. As the two lust partners do Swim checks, Captain Bella announces "No wenching on my ship!" to the gathered crew...and then promptly does an volte-face amidst 160 potentially horny males and tones it down to "No wenching on deck or on my wheel!"
6. When Mercutio ascends (with soggy barmaid), he apologizes and then proceeds to cast Charm Person on the rogue. A failed Will save by the Captain significantly lessens her anger towards the sorcerer. The charmed Captain now allows Mercutio to wench in "Designated Wenching Areas." Subsequent discussion ensues about whether or not 'DWA' signs should be posted for the crew (and Mercutio's) benefit. No clear solution was reached.
7. In the time all this is happening, Andromeda and Legolas have managed to have carnal knowledge of each other and snuck off the ship to avoid detection as well. Andromeda returns in the early hours of the morning, appearing to look refreshed after her "meditations". It is totally unclear what has happened to Mercutio's wench. Maybe she died of the ague.
Time to set sail. The next port stop is Gradsul.
Another Fizz alarm soon after embarkation: five sea hags. Because the sea hags are so heinously ugly, the whole party rolls Fortitude saves. Bella and Mercutio fail and lose -6 on their Strength score. The sea bitches are so ugly...Bella and Mercutio are weakened just by looking at them. Later on in the battle, Mercutio is put out of commission by a hag who casts her Evil Eye on him...leaving him dazed and drooling, prone on the ground. The rest of the party successfully kill the sea hags, with the spectacular ending of the druid completely taking a hag's head off with a perfectly placed (and critically rolled) arrow right between the eyes. Willow brings Mercutio around with some holy water, but he will still be weak (and unable to perform any sex acts) for some time.
Arrival in Gradsul is uneventful. Party is touched by magical leveling beam. The ranger is excited to learn she can upgrade to a new animal companion, so she chooses a wolverine. However, ethical dilemma - how does she get rid of her current wolf, Moonfoot?
No problem! The roleplay of that particular episode went something like this:
Ranger: Is there a vet or animal doctor in town?
DM: Ummm, yes. That way (generic nod toss).
Walk, walk, walk.
Ranger: Hello. I think there's a problem with my wolf. He seems apathetic. He doesn't fight; he is not involved with my adventure much in any way.
DM: Pause. So, are you worried he may be getting up there in years?
Rgr: Um. Pause. Yes.
DM: From what I can see, he appears to be very old.
Rgr: OK, is there a safe haven I can take him to? An animal sanctuary? A no-kill shelter?
DM: Pause. Uhh...
DRUID INTERJECTS: I can perform a ritual to release him into the wild.
DM: Do you happen to know any druids?
Rgr: Yes! (Thinks: Wasn't that convenient?)
Willow leaves, locates Andromeda, who does the deed and suddenly Moonfoot has been downsized, let go, fired, pink slipped...
Rgr: Hi, Vet guy, I'm back. Do you have any wolverines? (OOG: the rogue makes a Hugh Jackman-esque "X-men" gesture)
DM: Uh. On the edge of town is an animal sanctuary...they might have one there...
DRUID INTERJECTS: I can find you one in the wild.
DM: Do you happen to know a druid?
Rgr: Yes.
Having a druid find you a new companion is very similar to a job interview. Remember, Andromeda can talk to animals. The DM does a very good job of translating wolverine into Common. Important questions the ranger wants answered include:
- Who's looking for adventure?
- Who's afraid of water/ships?
- Who will be loyal and protective?
- Who doesn't mind leaving their families behind?
- Who doesn't have any special needs/accomodations that will bog the party down?
In the end, a lone female proves to be the sole recipient of the honor of being Willow's companion. The druid performs the bonding ritual and the ranger leaves her naming to another day. Also, for another day, the druid shall continue the search for another "Legolas" at the next port town - Gryax.
Cheers to another successful gaming go! Nerds Rule!
No comments:
Post a Comment